Rubik's Cube
by SatinFox
Summary: Dr. Beckett opens a mysterious Ancient box that could prove fatal, and finds love in the strangest place. (McKayBeckett)
1. Pandora's Box is Opened

**Title: **Rubik's Cube (cuz of the box...you'll see :D)

**Summary: **Dr. Beckett opens a mysterious box that could prove fatal, not to mention - enlightening...

**Season: **1

**Spoilers: **Everything up to 'Poisoning the Well' (cuz that's all I've seen) :D

**Disclaimer: **Anything Atlantis already owns, I don't :D

* * *

Carson Beckett stared unseeingly out at the swirling oceans surrounding Atlantis, his mind as turbulant as the black waves crashing on the city. He knew, deep in his heart, that the events at Hoff were not his fault, that he had done everything he could to prevent it, but still - everytime he had a moment to himself, everytime he looked in the mirror, picked up a beaker, anything - a small voice inside his head kept insisting that he should have done something, _anything_, to prevent it. All those innocent people dead, including his sweet Perna, all because of their obsession with fighting the Wraith.

Beckett could still see her face, hear her voice. It haunted him when he tried to sleep, echoed through the empty corridors.

"Pearna." The wind caught the whispered word, carried it to the heavens, as Beckett heard the door behind him slide open. Beckett ignored it, expecting another 'it-wasn't-your-fault' lecture from Weir or Sheppard. He knew they meant good, but still -

What he wasn't expecting was to see a steaming cup of coffee held out in front of him. He also wasn't expecting to see Rodney McKay holding it. "Rodney?"

McKay shrugged. "It's kinda cold tonight. Figured you could use something hot, and since you're not sleeping anyway..."

Beckett took the cup gratefully. The two stood silent for a moment, sipping their drinks.

"This sucks," McKay said after a moment.

Beckett just looked at him.

"Here we are, supposed to save this entire galaxy from the Wraith, and we couldn't even save the Hoff from themselves." McKay leaned back, looking at Beckett critically. "And you know what the worst part is? Knowing that it was totally out of our hands. It sucks."

Beckett nodded in agreement, and the two went back to sipping their coffees. After a moment, McKay spoke again. "I found something interesting today in one of the research labs. I took it to the medical bay, in case you wanted something to do tonight."

"Thanks."

McKay nodded, then put his coffee cup on the railing, leaned back, and stretched luxuriously. "I'm gonna go to bed," he said. "Try to get a little sleep, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he left the balcony. Beckett, watching through the window, saw him waving goodnight to Sheppard and Teyla, who were sitting against one of the walls, chatting. After a moment, and one more longing glance out to the ocean, Beckett headed to his lab.

The box was sitting on Beckett's table, just as McKay had said. It was plain black. Sitting beside the box was a sheet of paper. Beckett picked the paper up first. A sticky note was attached to it, and Beckett recognized McKay's untidy scrawl:

'Carson,

Found this Ancient text with the box. Took the liberty of translating it for you. Have fun - don't stay up too late.'

Beckett allowed himself a small smile before skimming through the sheet. It gave detailed and complicated instructions on how to open the box, which Beckett took as a bad sign, but no information on what was in the damn thing. Just to be safe, Beckett put the box into a quarantine box before following the instructions, and gently easing the box open.

The first thing he noticed was the sudden drop in temperature that registered on his computer when the box was opened. The second thing was the cloud of dense black smoke that somehow managed to work its way _through_ the glass of the quarantine unit. It settled on Beckett's arm, solidifying into a large black bettle. As Beckett watched, oddly transfixed, the beetle scuttled up his arm and around his neck.

By the time Beckett's brain seemed to catch up, it was too late. Beckett reached around frantically to the back of his neck, trying to swat the beetle off, then let out an involuntary scream of pain as searing pain ripped down his back. Dropping to the ground as the world swam, Beckett tried desperately to clear his mind, which seemed to have suddenly taken on the mental consistancy of oatmeal. It was late, the lab was empty, and Beckett knew he had to get help - fast. Suddenly, he remembered John and Teyla, sitting in the gateroom. Heaving himself to his feet, Beckett stumbled out of his lab, stubbornly fighting off the tendrils of blackness creeping around his vision.

_If I could just get to an elevator..._After what seemed like forever, Beckett reached the elevator. He slapped the panel, feeling the elevator jerk as he collapsed to his knees, praying it wasn't too late.

"I still don't get it."

John Sheppard sighed in slight frustration. He loved Teyla to death, he really did, but explaining the inner workings of a television to an Athosian was not the way he would have liked to spend his evenings - especially since Sheppard wasn't entirely clear on how a TV worked himself.

"Okay, let's start at the beginning - " Sheppard paused for a moment to regather his thoughts, wondering if he couldn't just pass the whole thing off to Rodney - he knew the physicist was still awake. He looked around as a nearby elevator beeped, momentarily wondering if his apparent ability to control Ancient technology applied to people, too - then leapt to his feet as the elevator door slid open, revealing Dr. Beckett, slumped against the floor, apparently unconscious.


	2. Looking for Answers

"Teyla, get McKay - now!" Sheppard sprinted over to the elevator and pulled Beckett out onto the floor. Praying that Teyla and McKay arrived quick, Sheppard pressed a couple of fingers against the doctor's neck. Feeling a weak but steady pulse, Sheppard gave Beckett a quick once over. There didn't appear to be anything wrong with him, aside from the whole unconscious thing. Hearing footsteps, Sheppard turned around, to see Teyla and McKay racing towards him. McKay got to within a few feet of Beckett, then stopped, his eyes widening. "Carson!"

McKay sprinted the last couple of feet, ignoring the spasm of pain in his knees as he dropped beside Beckett. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Sheppard said. "The elevator opened, and he was inside it, like this."

"Oh, that was informative," McKay snapped, checking Beckett's pulse. "Help me get him to the infirmary."

Together, the two of them managed to carry Beckett to the infirmary, while Teyla went and woke up all the appropriate people. Moments after placing Beckett gently in an empty bed, they found themselves joined by the entire medical staff, Lt. Ford, and, of course, Dr. Weir.

As a nurse got Beckett hooked up to the proper equipment, McKay surveyed the room, as much to find a possible answer to Beckett's condition, as to avoid looking at him. He looked too pale, too fragile, lying in that bed, wires seemingly hooked up to every available space of skin.

McKay's eyes fell upon the quarantine unit, and the open box lying inside. Instincts bristling, he walked slowly over, and peeked into the clear box. The box was empty. That could only be bad. Fighting the urge to panic, McKay quickly left the room, ignoring the strange looks the rest of his colleagues shot him. Only when he was out of sight of the infirmary did McKay break into a run, racing down to the research lab where he had found the box in the first place. The box was the key to Beckett's condition, he knew it. Skidding to a halt inside, McKay looked around, wondering where to start.

"That box. That had something to do with it, didn't it?"

McKay jumped at the sound of Sheppard's voice.

"Yeah, I think it did."

"What was in it?"

"If I knew, do you think I'd be here?" McKay hurried over to one of the consoles scattered around the room. "The text that came with the box didn't say." He began to type into the laptop attached to the Ancient terminal. "Whatever it was, it somehow managed to get through a quarantine unit. That's disturbing."

"So, what are we going to do about it?"

McKay sighed in frustration, resisting the urge to punch Major Sheppard in the face. Which was probably a good idea, he realized, since the Major probably would have hit back, and much harder.

"I don't know yet," he said, forcing some measure of patience into his voice. "I'm going to have to go through this text, see if maybe there's another mention of it."

"Okay, I'll go check on Beckett. Let us know when you find something."

McKay could hear Major Sheppard moving towards the door. "Major?" He tried to sound as casual as possible. Somehow, it didn't quite work. "Will you tell me if - if Carson's condition changes?"

There was no answer, and McKay looked up, wondering if the Major had already left. Sheppard was standing by the door, watching McKay with a strange expression on his face. "Major?" McKay sighed. "Please, Major, Carson is one of my closest friends around here. I just - I want to know if something happens."

After a moment, Sheppard nodded and left. McKay turned back to his console, trying to concentrate on the screen, but he couldn't seem to focus. Images of Carson, pale and still, kept forcing their way into his mental vision. Finally, McKay gave himself a mental jerk.

_Come on, Rodney, pull yourself together. You never freak out like this when Sheppard is hurt, do you?_

_Well, there was the time on the Puddlejumper, when we got stuck._

_That was different. Why so concerned? Yeah, Carson's your friend, but..._

McKay sighed again. He _so_ did not have time to be second guessing his emotions. Especially when it came to Carson Beckett.

_Stop it. Get back to work, or you're going to lose someone you care about._

McKay took a deep, steadying breath, forced his attention back to the consoles. He would worry about this all later, _after _he kept Beckett from getting killed by whatever monster had been in that box.


	3. All's Well?

_Carson was back on Hoff, standing in the middle of the suddenly brilliantly _

_bright hospital. He could hear the voices crying out around him, smell the _

_sharp, bitter scent of medicine mixed with death. Taste it, too. Carson _

_looked frantically around for Perna. He had to find her, had to save her_

_before - before -_

_Finally, he found her, knelt by her bed. Watched helplessly as she drew_

_her last breath, grew still._

_The hospital was dissolving into white mist all around him. Dimly, Carson heard a voice calling his name. It sounded oddly like Rodney's. Carson followed the voice, clung to it for dear life..._

"Carson? Carson, can you hear me?"

Beckett opened his eyes slowly. "Dr. Weir?"

The world swam slowly into focus, to reveal the ceiling of the infirmary, and a very concerned-looking Dr. Weir.

"Carson!" The relief in Weir's voice was obvious. "Dr. Leonard, he's awake."

Beckett turned his head as the young and overly eager Dr. Leonard bustled over to the bed. "Dr. Beckett? How are you feeling?"

Beckett glared at the young man. "I've got a bloody beetle imbeded in my neck. How the hell d'ya think I feel?"

He wasn't sure who looked more alarmed, Dr. Leonard - or Dr. Weir.

"A beetle?" she asked uncertainly.

Beckett reached back, felt the lump on the back of his neck. "Aye. And I think I'd rather like it out. Where's Rodney?"

"He went to look over Ancient texts, see if he could find something useful."

Beckett turned to look on his other side. Major Sheppard, slouched in a chair beside the bed, threw him a lopsided grin. "When the doctor's in the hospital, that's not a good sign," he quipped, making Beckett chuckle.

"Nothing throws you, does it?" he asked.

Sheppard frowned. "Finding a friend unconscious does," he said quietly. "Especially when that friend stays unconscious for five hours."

Beckett winced. He'd been out for five hours? Not a good sign. "Has Rodney found out anything yet?"

Sheppard shook his head. "Not that he's reported, anyway. Which reminds me - he asked me to contact him if your condition changed. I think he'll be glad to know you're awake." The Major stood, and left the infirmary.

Beckett watched him leave. Rodney wanted to know how he was doing? Beckett's strange - _dream? vision?_ - suddenly came back to him. He could still hear Rodney's voice, calling out his name. Strangely enough, he found the other man's concern comforting.

"Dr. Beckett? What happened, exactly?"

Beckett sighed, and turned to Weir. "Well, Rodney gave me this box to take a peek at..."

* * *

McKay sat back and closed his eyes, pressing his index finger and thumb against the bridge of his nose. He had been searching the Ancient's texts for hours, and found nothing useful. His eyes hurt, he was dead tired, and he had the feeling that if he didn't eat soon, he'd probably end up passed out from hypo-glycemia. Not that any of it mattered. McKay would have sooner faced death himself than give Beckett up to it.

McKay gave a deep, determined sigh, then turnd back to the console, not even looking up when he heard the elevator open.

"McKay, found anything yet?"

"Obviously not, or I would have told you." McKay snapped at Major Sheppard, before sighing. "Sorry. No, nothing yet."

"Beckett's woken up. He's asking for you."

The words took a few seconds to sink into McKay's sluggish brain. He glanced up at the Major sharply. "He's awake?"  
"Yup. Seems okay, except he said something about having a beetle embedded in his - hey!"

McKay barrelled past Sheppard, almost knocking the Major over, and skidded to a stop just inside the elevator. He slapped the control panel, and found himself just outside the infirmary. He could hear voices inside, one obviously Beckett's, and one possibly Dr. Weir's. Taking a deep breath, McKay strode into the infirmary, trying his best to seem casual, knowing that he wasn't quite pulling it off. "Hey."

Beckett and Dr. Weir both looked up. Beckett grinned for a moment, "Hey, Rod-" then frowned. "When was the last time you slept?"

Rodney blinked. "Uh, last night?"

"Seeing as how it's morning now, I highly doubt that," commented Sheppard, striding into the infirmary.

Rodney flushed slightly. "Thanks," he said sarcastically.

Sheppard just grinned. "Welcome."

Beckett's eyes narrowed. "And the last time you ate?"

McKay sighed. Trust Beckett to still play the doctor even as a patient. "Supper, last night. I've been busy, looking through those texts."

"Rodney," Beckett said seriously. "I appreciate you wanting to help me, I really do, but if you don't get some food and sleep, you're going to be in the bed beside me by tonight. Eat, then get some sleep."

Rodney opened his mouth to argue, then thought better of it, and nodded. He had half a mind to ignore Beckett's orders, and head straight back down to the research lab.

"Nurse Wickson, would you make sure Rodney does as he's told?"

McKay blinked in surprise. "Gee, thanks for the show of confidence," he grumbled, less out of anger than of embarrassement at being figured out so easily.  
Beckett's grin was wicked. "Well," he said casually, "can't have you fainting again, can we?"

McKay glared at him. "I passed out from manly hunger," he protested weakly.

"Right. Food, sleep - now."

McKay sighed, and allowed himself to be shepherded out of the infirmary by the nurse. He would probably think better after food and sleep, anyway.

Beckett watched McKay leave, chuckling softly as the physicist continued to protest down the hallway. Despite Rodney's usual show of sarcasm, Beckett knew he was concerned.

_Probably beating himself up because he gave you the box._

Beckett shook his head. He would have to make sure, when he told McKay what happened, to find a way to subtly emphasize the fact that it wasn't his fault, otherwise McKay would probably kill himself trying to help.

Right now, though - right now, Beckett was going to follow his own advice. Food, and some sleep.

"Dr. Leonard?"

"Yes, Dr. Beckett?"

"Be a good lad, and get me food. Anything _other_ than military rations."

* * *

**Author's Note: **ZedPM to the person who can figure out the slight Star Trek reference in this chap. Post answers with your review See ya next time! (By the way, anyone know if Rod's diabetic?) (Yes, I _did _say Zed - Go Canadians! )


	4. Apparitions

Wow! So many reviews! Thank you all so much! Don't worry, there will be much more angst(hehehe....poor McKay....) and slashiness (and probably a little bit of fluff, if you guys want it :D) ... keep reading, keep reviewing...

_And now, the results of my little challenge...and the winners are..._

**Katt** (Who, of course, gets her ZedPM wrapped in maple leaf gift wrapping), **me** (I swear, that was the reviewers name - check the reviews :D) , **Courtknee **(Trekker-in-Training - I like that :D)

Your ZedPM's will be on the next Stargate out :D. The reference, for everyone else, was Dr. Leonard - Leonard is Dr. McCoy's first name :D

"I'm telling you Doctor, this isn't a good idea."

"And I'm telling you that I need some fresh air." Beckett glared at the young Dr. Leonard. "Are you really planning on arguing with the head doctor?"

Leonard's eyes widened, and Beckett knew he'd hit the bulls-eye. "No sir, of course not."

Beckett nodded briskly, grabbing his jacket. "I'll be back in half-an-hour."

Once out of sight of the infirmary, Beckett stepped into the elevator, intending to head straight for his favourite balcony. Once the panel opened though, he changed his mind. He would be too easy to find on that balcony, and right now people were the last things he wanted to see. Carefully scrutinizing the elevator panel, Beckett cautiously pressed a button. Moments later, the elevator doors opened to reveal a dimly lit corridor. Beckett took a few steps forward, looking around him as the elevator doors closed. This section of Atlantis looked deserted; dust lay heavy on the floor. The hall stretched on a fair ways before it appeared to turn. There weren't any doors visible.

Beckett debated with himself for a moment. True, he would definately not be disturbed, but if the bug still attached to his neck decided to make himself known again, he would also be without help. After a long moment, Beckett shrugged, and started forward, unconsciously reaching back to caress his neck. It was still sore from Dr. Leonard's attempt to extricate the bug surgically - an attempt that failed miserably, as it seemed to melt around the scalpel, firmly maintaining it's grip on Beckett's neck. It appeared that the stupid thing had firmly attached itself to Beckett's spinal cord.

Finally reaching the turn in the corridor, Beckett peeked around the corner. It, too, bore no signs of any activity more recent than the Ancients. However, there was one door, visible just at the end of the hallway. Curiosity burning, Beckett walked to the end of the hallway. The door slid open noiselessly. Beckett stared at the room inside for a long moment, then spun on his heel and raced down the corridor, one thought on his mind. He had to tell Rodney about that room.

Beckett skidded around the corridor, head down, barely looking at where he was going.

"Carson."

Looking up, Beckett jerked to a stop, which resulted in his ending up on his rear in the dust. Not even noticing, Beckett stared down the hall. It wasn't...it couldn't be...

"Pearna?"

The logical part of Beckett's brain insisted that the figure walking towards him, holding out her hands, could simply _not _be Perna. Perna was dead, Beckett had watched her die, held her hand through those last moments.

The other part of his brain, though - the part that had echoed her voice everytime Beckett tried to go to sleep, had haunted his sleep with dreams of her - that part wanted to believe. Needed to believe.

Slowly, Beckett rose to his feet, coughing slightly in the dust that flew. "Pearna?"

She was standing right in front of him now, so close that he could have reached out and touched her. Hell, he could have leaned forward and kissed her. Yet, he didn't, afraid that any movement might dissolve this beautiful apparition. "Pearna, love..."

"Hello, Carson." The apparition even had Perna's voice, low and soft. Beckett reached out a hand, trying to touch her -

"Carson, don't do it!"

The voice was loud, demanding - and definately Rodney's. Beckett, startled, looked around sharply, but couldn't see McKay anywhere. Confused, Beckett turned back to Perna - but she was no longer there. Standing in her place was McKay.

"Beckett, don't listen to her. Don't listen to anything she has to say. Promise me."

Beckett knew that this, too, was an apparition. "What in bloody hell is going on here?"

"Promise me!" This McKay's voice sounded pleading, urgent.

"I promise, I promise - wha?"

Beckett stared. Where the apparition of McKay had been mere moments ago, was now empty space. He looked around, almost expecting to see the physicist jump out at him, yelling surprise - though he knew it just wasn't in McKay's nature.

Of course, nothing of the sort happened. Shaken, Beckett continued on his way to the elevator, punching the button that would take him closest to the gateroom. Before the elevator doors closed, Beckett risked one last glance into the hallway. It was empty and silent once again.

It took about 10 minutes of searching through the command area before Beckett realized that McKay was probably down in the research lab, looking up information on the mysterious box. By that time, the half-hour was definately gone, so Beckett made his way back to the infirmary, feeling depressed. He had really been hoping to find the physicist, tell him about the apparition in the hallway. Somehow, he thought that maybe McKay would understand, even help him figure out what was going on.

"Hey, you're late."

Beckett jumped at the sound of McKay's voice and looked up. The doctor was sitting on one of the infirmary beds, hand raised in greeting. Beckett nodded in acknowlegment, and McKay frowned. "Carson, you look like you've seen a ghost." His face grew slightly frightened looking. "You haven't seen a ghost, have you?"

Beckett shook his head. If he hadn't been so spooked out, he was sure he'd be laughing at McKay's fear. Instead, he sat down on the bed beside McKay, and held his hands above his lap. They were still shaking.

"Alright, what's going on?"

Beckett shook his head. As much as he wanted to tell McKay everything that happened, he most certainly was not doing it in front of Dr. Leonard - not a good thing for your staff to think you're seeing things.

He felt the bed lift as McKay stood up, and half-wondered what the physicist was doing. He didn't have long to wait before hearing Dr. Leonard's protests as McKay shoved him rudely out of the room. "Hey, I'm a doctor, you can't kick me out of my own - "

"Shut up," McKay muttered, before slapping the panel to shut the door. He hit a couple of buttons under the panel, remarking, "Did I tell you I found a way to lock the doors?"

Beckett managed a weak smile as McKay sat back down.

McKay turned to him, his face strangely serious. "Talk."

"Really, Rodney, I'm fine. I just need some sleep, that's all."

McKay snorted. "Not buying that, thank you."

Beckett sighed, then looked down at his hands. The shaking hadn't gotten any better, so Beckett began to talk - about the box and the bug, about the dream, the apparition - even about how both dream and apparition had morphed into Rodney, warning him about - something. He didn't look up, but continued to stare at his hands, partly afraid to see the look on McKay's face, afraid his friend would laugh, or tell him he was crazy.

When he finished, there was a moment of silence before McKay spoke. "Interesting. Perna, huh?"

Beckett nodded mutely, suddenly aware of a burning sensation in the back of his throat. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on his hands.

"I'm sorry." The words were quiet, sympathetic, so unlike Rodney McKay that they caught Beckett by surprise. The burning sensation in his throat grew, until it seemed to encompass his entire body.

Unable to hold back anymore, Beckett found himself sobbing quietly, hands pressing into his eyes.

When he felt the slight pressure on his back, it took him a moment to realize that it was Rodney.

The two sat there for a while, Beckett hunched over on the bed, shoulders shaking, McKay sitting quietly beside him, hand resting gently between Beckett's shoulder blades.

Finally, Beckett swallowed hard and sat up, wiping away the last of his tears. "Thanks."

He felt McKay shrug beside him. "I didn't really do anything."

Beckett gave his friend a small smile. "You were here, that's all."

McKay smiled back, and their eyes met.

Beckett suddenly realized that knowing that Rodney was here, knowing they would work this through together, made him feel better. A whole lot better.


	5. Reflections

Rodney McKay was getting a little frustrated.

Screw that.

McKay was getting extremely, genuinely frustrated.

Screw that, too.

McKay was getting ready to throw the scroll he was reading across the room.

He was very appreciative of Carson having shown him the secret little library - especially since the doctor had paled visibly coming through the hallway. McKay had insisted on walking him back to the elevator.

That was 12 hours ago, and McKay hadn't left the library since.

The first thing he had done was to inspect the chair sitting in the middle of the room. It was very much similar to the one at the Antarctica outpost, except that this one appeared to be almost like an electronic catalogue system. The moment Rodney had sat down in it, wondering if anything in the room could help them with their bug problem, the chair had hummed to life, and little lights had gone on all over the room - which was about the size of the jumper bay, and filled floor to ceiling with books, scrolls, and various other forms of information.

It had taken Rodney a few seconds to realize that the little lights marked places where information about the bug was. Thankfully, after a few panicked minutes, he also realized that there was also a little pad nearby the chair, which translated everything into plain old Canadian English (which McKay had realized the first time he saw the word colour spelled 'our' instead of 'or'), because it seemed like everything was written in a different language, and none of the languages resembled anything even close to English. McKay had been very optimistic about solving the bug problem by lunchtime, which was saying something, since McKay was not generally an optimistic person (as Beckett liked to remind him _every _time something happened.)

Unfortunately, even with the automatic translating device, McKay had pretty much learned nothing from the library so far. Most of the bug information consisted of passing glances, nothing useful about how to get the damn thing off, or even what it was.

With a sigh, McKay stood up to put the current scroll back. Suddenly, he made a grab for the chair, as the world started to spin. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and McKay knew it was his blood sugar, getting dangerously low. He knew he should leave, get something to eat, but everytime he tried, a little voice inside his head insisted that the next try might get him some real information, he could eat after that.

Granted, that voice had been going on for about 4 hours now, and nothing had come of it. Still...

McKay grabbed another scroll, and sat back down, stopping for a moment to massage his sore eyes. He had to find something soon. He knew the apparition of Perna probably had something to do with the bug, but he couldn't figure out what. And he had _no_ idea why he was figuring into these things. At least his ghostly double appeared to be a good guy.

_Even as a ghost, you care for the guy._

McKay gave his head a sharp shake. Care for the guy? Where had that come from? Even if he was that type of person, McKay reasoned to himself, he certainly wouldn't go for Carson.

_Wouldn't you?_

McKay gave his head another little shake, trying to ignore the irritatingly persistant little voice in the back of his head, then unwound the scroll, and ran the translating pad over, downloading the text. The pad began translating, and McKay sat back for a moment. He found himself wondering how Beckett was doing, whether the doctor was okay. Of course, at that thought, the little voice started again.

_Oh, yeah, now you wonder, after you give him Pandora's Box._

McKay sighed, checking the translating pad. It wasn't done processing yet, so McKay was left to argue with the voice.

_I didn't know the stupid thing would attack him._

_Then why didn't you open it yourself?_

_I thought he might want something to do, to keep his mind off of Hoff._

_Aww....how sweet._

_I didn't know it would hurt him. I never wanted this to happen._

McKay sighed again, blinking back tears. He knew that this whole thing wasn't his fault, just like he knew Beckett knew Hoff wasn't _his _fault. It was just damn hard to get over it when that little voice refused to give up the blame. He certainly didn't want Beckett to die. The doctor was one of McKay's few friends in this godforsaken city, one of the few people he didn't suspect of laughing at him behind his back - and one of the few people that wouldn't let McKay give in to his own paranoia.

_See? You care about him._

Letting out a small growl of frustration, McKay checked the translator pad again. Damn thing was taking its sweet time on this scroll. McKay put it back down once again, and retackled the little voice.

_I'm not that type of guy._

_Maybe you just haven't thought about it._

_No..._

McKay felt the tears well up again. This was all just way too confusing, and really not well-timed. Not to mention a little scary. How was he supposed to face Beckett feeling like this? Not of course, that he felt anything. Beckett was a good friend and all, but...

_Damn._

McKay drew his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs, and buried his face in the space between. He hated to admit that the little voice was right, but maybe...just maybe...

A loud beep echoed through the room, causing McKay to jump. He had forgotten that the translating pod beeped when it was done its job. Thankful for the distraction from his own thoughts, McKay picked up the pad, and started to read. It appeared to be a geological survey of another planet. McKay was about to put the pad down, grab another scroll, when a sentence caught his eyes. '_The being fashioned itself into a small creature, burying itself into Anthara's spinal cord."_

Heart pounding, McKay read through the rest of the pad. Still nothing on how to get the thing off, but what he did have...

...the apparitions...

...Perna...

...it all made sense.

McKay jumped to his feet, wondering if Beckett would still be at the infirmary. The world started spinning again, and McKay fell back to the ground. This was bad. McKay sat for a moment, as black clouds began to swim across his vision. This was very bad.

McKay fumbled in his vest, his hand feeling heavy, finally pulling out his radio. It took a couple of times for him to summon the strength to hit the transmit button.

"McKay to infirmary. Beckett, get your ass down-"


	6. Revelations

**Author's Note:**I haven't been able to figure out if McKay's diabetic or not, so I'm assuming, for the flow of the story, that he is (a friend told me he is, and hypoglycemia, which I _know _he suffers from, is often a side effect of diabetes). If anyone knows for sure, please, _please, _tell me :D

**Another Author's Note: **I have never had, nor known anybody who's been in the hospital for diabetes, or anything like that, so I apologize if anything medical in this chap is wrong.

**P.S. - **Kudos to **willowscribe03 **and **custarpringle, **who also got my Star Trek challenge right :D (Gee, hope I don't run out of ZedPM's grin)

* * *

_Beckett was trapped in his dream again. Back at Hoff, again watching someone close to him die..._

_...only this time, that person was Rodney McKay. He grasped at Beckett's hand, begging the doctor to save him, to at least end the pain. Beckett couldn't move, couldn't disentangle himself from this twisted parody of his friend, watching as blood began to flow, squeezing itself out of every crack it could find, pouring over the bed, onto Beckett's knees. Beckett screamed, but no sound came out of his mouth._

_Suddenly, everything disappeared, and Beckett found himself kneeling in pure brilliant whiteness, wondering if it had finally happened, if he had finally died._

_"You're not dead yet, but I can't save you much longer."_

_Beckett looked up at the apparition of McKay. "Who - why?"_

_The apparition shook his head. "I cannot tell you that, only to trust me. Trust me to help you find a way."_

_Somehow, Beckett got the feeling that those words applied not only to the apparition McKay, but the real one as well. He nodded slowly._

_"Trust your feelings..." _

Beckett jerked to a sitting position in his bed, finding his breath coming in ragged gasps. He was back in the infirmary, and Dr. Leonard was once again hovering by his bed. "Dr. Beckett?"

Beckett waved the young doctor away. "Bad dream. Don't worry yourself on it." He shook his head, clearing it of the last vestiges of sleep, then looked around. "No word from Rodney, yet?"

Dr. Leonard shook his head. "No, Doctor. Not yet."

Beckett looked at the clock, then started. He'd been asleep, according to the numbers, for almost 10 hours. He hoped McKay had come up from the library to get something to eat. The man's blood sugar was prone to draining quickly, and Beckett was worried that McKay might end up passed out again from it. For a moment, he debated going down to the library himself. As much as he wanted to check up on McKay, Beckett _really _didn't want to walk down that hallway. He was terrified of meeting up with the ghostly Perna again, so much that McKay had ended up having to walk Beckett back to the elevator last time they were down there.

Granted, McKay _had_ volunteered. Beckett had been touched that his friend had noticed his discomfort. It had made the walk to the elevator easier, especially since Beckett had been distracted the entire time by McKay ranting about the dust, making Beckett laugh. With a sigh, Beckett rose out of bed. McKay had been kind enough to help Beckett through his completely baseless phobia, the least Beckett could do was make sure his friend was okay.

Just as Beckett reached the door, ignoring Leonard's protests, the intercom crackled to life.

Beckett paused.

"McKay to infirmary. Beckett, get your ass down-"

Beckett listened in growing horror as a thick thud echoed through the intercom, followed by a deadly silence.

He didn't realise he was running until he reached the elevator. Stepping inside, Beckett punched the correct button on the panel, waiting impatiently for the doors to open again.

He ran again down the hallway, almost ramming into the wall as he tried to make the turn at full tilt, then skidded to a stop just inside the library.

McKay was laying on the floor, his face an unnatural shade of white. Heart pounding in his ears, Beckett knelt beside him and took his pulse. It was racing even faster than Beckett's was. Not to mention that the skin felt cold and clammy. Beckett swore loudly. Obviously, McKay hadn't eaten anything. Just as obviously, he was in the middle of a very dangerous hypo-glycemic reaction. Beckett knew that McKay's system wasn't able compensate for a drop in his blood sugar levels.

McKay's breathing was coming in ragged, shallow gasps. Beckett didn't have much time. Not nearly enough, he realized, to get a medical team down here. McKay had to get to the infirmary now.

Giving a growl of desperate frustration, Beckett did the only thing he could think of - he grabbed McKay under the armpits, and began dragging him to to elevator. He grimaced as they left the raised dias the chair was sitting on, McKay's body thudding dully on the dusty floor.

It seemed to take forever to get to the elevator, Beckett dragging McKay as quickly as possible, sweat pouring down his face. Positioning McKay against the wall of the elevator, Beckett reached up, stabbing at the infirmary button, before kneeling beside his friend. McKay's breathing was getting more ragged, his pulse growing erratic. Beckett fought against the urge to panic. "Rodney," he whispered hoarsely, "Don't do this to me. I can't lose another friend. Please."

The elevator door slid open, and Beckett shouted out for help, before once again beginning to drag McKay towards the elevator. Dr. Leonard appeared almost immediately, followed closely by Major Sheppard, both of whom helped Beckett hoist McKay onto the nearest empty bed.

"Get me an IV, now!" Beckett snapped at Leonard. He himself rushed to a nearby cabinet and threw it open, searching for a moment before grabbing a small bottle. He pulled a syringe out of a drawer underneath, and filled it full of the liquid. After getting the air bubbles out of the needle, Beckett jabbed it roughly in McKay's arm, praying he wasn't too late. By that time, Leonard had returned with an IV, as well as a heart monitor. Beckett hooked up both machines, watching as McKay's heartbeat returned to normal. It seemed like forever before McKay's eyes fluttered, then slowly opened. "Huh?"

Beckett waited silently while McKay took in his surroundings, then turned to the doctor with a groggy. "C'rs'n? Whahapend?"

Beckett took a few deep breaths to calm himself before responding. "You had a severe hypoglycemic reaction."

McKay's eyes widened, filling with guilt. "Oh." The grogginess appeared to be wearing off, but Beckett waited a few minutes before speaking, anyway. He used the time to usher both Sheppard and Dr. Leonard out of the infirmary, aware that McKay was watching his every move. Finally, Beckett turned back to his patient.

"Rodney," he said quietly. "If you ever, _ever, _pull a stunt like that again, you'll be pulled off the off-world team. Permanently."

McKay flinched, but nodded meekly.

Somehow, seeing the gesture pulled all the anger out of Beckett, leaving him feeling drained. He pulled a chair over beside McKay's bed, and slumped into it. "Oh, and Rodney?"

"Hmm?"

"You really need to go on a diet."

The immediate protest from McKay comforted Beckett. If Rodney was up to complaining again, he was definately okay.

The thought followed Beckett into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

McKay watched as Beckett slept, slouched in the chair with his head almost against his chest, breathing deep and even. He looked peaceful.

_Kinda attractive, too._

For a moment, McKay prepared to argue the voice again. Then he took another look at the doctor. Damn it. He did look kind of nice, despite the fact that he also looked purely exhausted. Which reminded McKay of the scroll he found. For a moment, McKay considered waking Beckett, to tell him about his results, but changed his mind. After the scare McKay had probably just given him, the doctor deserved some rest. Instead, McKay quietly rose from the bed, and pressed the button on the intercom. "McKay to Major Sheppard," he said, half-whispering.

"Sheppard here. Glad to know you're alright."

"Thanks. Get down here, I need to talk to you." McKay paused. "And be quiet."  
It took about five minutes for Sheppard to get to the infirmary, during which time McKay stretched, wondering if maybe Beckett didn't have a point about the whole diet thing. Granted, he reasoned, it was sort of a moot point. Aside from a few frozen dinners some insightful technician had snuck in, the only food available was military rations. Maybe more exercise, then.

McKay's pondering was interuppted by the whoosh of the infirmary door sliding open, to reveal Major Sheppard, who gave McKay a lopsided grin. "What's up?"

McKay rolled his eyes. "I need you to go get something," he said shortly.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "And what might this something be?" he asked.

McKay explained about the library and the information pad. "There might be a clue to Carson's condition in it," he finished.

"And you want me to get it."

"Did I not just finish saying that?"

Sheppard's grin widened. "Glad to know you're back to being your usual obnoxious self," he commented, before striding out of the infirmary.

McKay bit back the urge to yell a completely inappropriate word after the Major. After all, the man _was _technically his superior. Besides, the sound would probably wake up Beckett, who was still sound asleep.

McKay slid back into bed, leaning back against the wall, and resting his hands above his head. He found himself once again watching Beckett sleep. The doctor still looked quite handsome, and McKay sighed.

_Come on, admit it. _

_No._

_Admit it._

_Fine. I have - feelings - for him. That doesn't change a thing. And I'm most certainly not telling him._

_What if he feels the same?_

McKay thought about this for a moment. Beckett had always been very close to McKay, but he was quite sure the doctor felt nothing outside of the bounds of pure friendship. He was also pretty sure that telling Beckett about these new - feelings - wuld probably cost McKay his closest friend.

Beckett stirred in his sleep, and McKay watched as the doctor's eyes eased themselves opened.

Beckett yawned. "Heavens. Did I fall asleep?"

"Yup."  
Beckett sat up, stretching. "Felt good."

"Looked good." The words were out of McKay's mouth before he could stop them. "Er -- Looked like you really needed the rest," he added hastily, as Beckett gave him a strange look.

"Yeah, guess I did." Beckett smiled. "How're you feeling?"

"Better." McKay swallowed. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "I didn't mean to worry you."  
"I know." Beckett shrugged. "I know how you feel, Rodney, I really do. But there's a difference between blaming yourself and trying to kill yourself."

"Well, it's not like I was _trying _to pass out in the middle of nowhere."

"You obviously weren't trying to prevent it, either."  
McKay had no response for that, but was saved the effort of having to think of one by the arrival of Major Sheppard. "Here ya go."

He handed McKay the translator pad.

"Thanks," McKay muttered, engrossed in the pad.

"What, no sarcastic and snide comment?"

Looking up, McKay threw Sheppard his iciest glare, which only served to widen the Major's grin. "Gee, thanks for the emotional support. I'm touched."

A moment later, McKay found himself comparing the Major's grin to that of the Cheshire Cat's. He decided the cat's was probably smaller.

"Don't tell me you found something."

"_Might _have found something," McKay corrected, finding his place in the pad again. "Still no way to get the thing off, but I think I know what's going on with your ghosts."

"Ghosts? What ghosts?"

McKay groaned. He had forgotten that Sheppard was still in the room. McKay made a mental note to apologize to Beckett later. After everyone had left.

"I'll explain later," Beckett said, waving off Sheppard's question. "What did you find, Rodney?"

"Well, here's the thing. This bug-thing - it's feeding off your emotions. That's why you keep seeing Perna - your feelings about her are so strong. The entity is sort of manipulating your mind to see her, get those emotions hiked up."

Beckett blinked, looking surprised, and somewhat freaked out. "But what about you?"

"My theory is, that's your own doing."

Beckett gave McKay a look that managed to be both icy and fiery at once. "Are you accusing me of seeing things?"

McKay hurried to explain himself. "No, what I mean is, I think there's a part of your mind that's fighting it. It's sort of tapped into the creatures visual manipulation abilities, probably because of your gene, and is using that to warn you." McKay shrugged. "Like I said, just a theory."

"Interesting," Beckett said thoughtfully. "Not very informative, but interesting."

McKay sighed. "And you're a doctor," he said scathingly, more joking than serious.

Beckett just looked at him. "What in bloody hell are you talking about, Rodney?"

"Now that you know it's trick, the bug's going to have a hard time convincing you that you're really seeing Perna."

Beckett seemed to think about that for a moment. "Actually," he said finally, "I knew it wasn't really Pearna the first time."

"Oh. Damn." McKay found himself at a loss for words. Suddenly, inspiration struck. "Well, maybe we should just ask the locals."  
Both Beckett and Sheppard looked at him. "Locals?" they asked simultaneously.

McKay grinned. "This was a geological survey, complete with dialling address. If there are people on the planet, they've probably figured out how to deal with these things."  
"If they haven't been totally wiped out by the Wraith," Sheppard commented.

"You have a better idea, _Major?_"

Beckett sighed. "This means I have to go through that bloody Stargate again, doesn't it?"


	7. Understanding

Beckett looked around the bleak landscape. "Cheerful looking, isn't it?"  
Beside him, McKay snorted. "Feels like Antarctica. Actually," he added, "I think Antarctica was cheerier looking."

Beckett chuckled, snuggling farther into his parka. "Aye, probably." He watched as Sheppard and Ford randomly threw wads of snow at each other, turning their walk into a casual snowball fight. "They seem to be enjoying themselves."

"Sheppard _liked _Antarctica, remember?" McKay remarked scathingly. "He's already whacked."

Beckett chuckled again, and looked around again. Truth be told, aside from the bleakness, the doctor was sort of enjoying the hike to the nearest village. The planet was quiet, no alarms, no talking, just the slight whisper of a breeze that picked up random piles of snow, making miniature waves in the grey sky.

"I really hope Sheppard knows where he's going," McKay grumbled. "I'm not entirely fond of the idea of dying of hypothermia."

Beckett rolled his eyes. "Rodney, you're dressed warmer than an eskimo, and we're not going to -"

Suddenly, he stoppped and stared ahead of him.

Walking towards him, barely visible against the snow, was Perna.

_No_, he reminded himself firmly, _this is just an apparition of Pearna. It's not real._

She certainly looked real, her face pleading.

_"Carson, come to me, please..."_

Beckett shook his head, heart pounding. "No, you're not real, you're not..."

_"Carson, please..."_

Beckett shook his head slightly again, transfixed by the image in front of him. Hesitantly, he took a step forward. "You're just a - a "  


A firm hand wrapped itself around Carson's arm, stopping him in midstep.

"Carson, don't listen."

McKay's voice half-shook Carson from his reverie.

"Rodney," he whispered, still staring at the apparition, which was growing far too close for comfort. "Rodney, what do I do?"

_"Carson..."_

There was a moment of silence, then-"Shut your eyes."

"I - I can't."

Another moment of silence, then Carson found himself suddenly being spun around, until he was facing McKay.

"Carson, listen to me, and listen well," McKay said sternly. "This - ghost - is _not_ Perna. Perna is gone. You have to move on, or else there's no way you're going to win this fight."

"I - I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because - Because -" The next words burst out of Carson's mouth like a dam unblocked. "Because I let her die! I sat there and watched her die, and it was ALL MY FAULT!"

He was yelling, he knew it, but he didn't care. "I'm the one that came up with the breakthrough in the formula, I'm the one that let them do all that human testing! I could have fought them at any time, just walked away, but I didn't!"

"Why not?"

The question, spoken so softly, so calmly, shocked Beckett into momentary silence.

"What?" he finally croaked.

"Why not?" McKay repeated. "Why _didn't _you walk away?"  
"I - I - I wanted to find a way to defeat the Wraith," Beckett said finally, hanging his head. "And then - then it was too late. Then I wanted to try and save those people, but I - I - couldn't..."

Staring at the suddenly too-white snow, Beckett heard McKay sigh. "Carson, look at me."

Reluctantly, slowly, Beckett raised his head.

"There is nothing in this world, or any other world, for that matter, that I could say to make you feel better. I'm not going to tell you it wasn't your fault, because everyone involved has to take some blame. Even Perna - "

Beckett opened his mouth to argue, but was silenced by a look from McKay.

"Yes, even Perna. We all made mistakes, and we're all going to have to learn to live with them. But if you let yourself live _in _your mistakes, you're going to miss out on a lot of great opportunities."

Beckett shook his head. "I let them die." He insisted.

"No, you didn't. You made mistakes, yeah, but you didn't _let _them die." There was a pause. "Let her go, Carson."

Beckett swallowed hard, then nodded. The move seemed to drain all the strength out of his body, and Beckett sank to the ground, dimly aware of McKay's arms wrapping around him, lowering him gently.

Beckett leaned into McKay, burying his face in the other man's parka. He could feel the tears freezing to his cheeks as he sobbed. McKay didn't speak, just wrapped his arms around Beckett tighter.

Finally, Beckett ran out of tears, instead sitting quiet, huddled in the snow. McKay hadn't moved the entire time Beckett had been crying. Now, he said quietly, "I know it's hard, but - it will get better. I'll be here, and I'll help you through."

Beckett looked up. "Thanks," he whispered.

McKay hesitated a moment, looking slightly apprehensive, then leaned forward, giving a surprised Beckett a quick kiss on the forehead. "Don't mention it." Then he looked forward. "I think we'd better get moving again, before somebody gets hurt."  
Beckett looked over. Sure enough, the casual snowball fight had turned into an all out snowball war - and it looked like Sheppard was losing.

Beckett chuckled and got to his feet, swiping at the last of his tears. "Yeah, we'd better get going. I want this bloody bug out of my neck."

McKay grinned, then jogged ahead, shouting something about suffering maturity levels to the Major.

Beckett knew it was mainly just a way to give him a moment to himself, and he appreciated McKay's concern. Especially since he really suddenly needed that time.

Slowly, hesitantly, Beckett raised his hand, lightly touching the spot on his forehead where McKay had kissed him. It was strange, totally out of character for the usually caustic Rodney - but somehow, it seemed right. Beckett sighed, watching as Sheppard and Ford both ganged up on the physicist, pelting him with snow. Rodney looked altogether too cute, as he ducked the assault.

Cute?

Oh...

Oh dear....


	8. Thresholds

**Author's Note: **Okay, had to say it...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! All these great reviews are the reason I keep writing!! Might be a little while for the next chapter (Gakk! I'm stuck!) but not too long, I promise....oh, and thank you so much to Dru for the hilariously funny reviews

* * *

_I'm not..._

_I refuse to be..._

_Damn it..._

_I am..._

Beckett groaned. This was not a complication he needed in his life right now. Very much not a complication he needed. Even if said complication was being incredibly cute right now.

Beckett watched as McKay floundered through the high snowbank surrounding the village, falling on his butt more often than was probably healthy, and cursing all the way. Smiling, and shaking his head, Beckett followed.

He managed to get all the way to the top of the bank before he fell. By that time, McKay was almost to the bottom.  
  
Beckett took a cautious step over the hill - and felt the foot slip. Before he could recover himself, Beckett found himself tumbling down the hill, unable to catch a hold. He had just enough time to call out a frantic 'Rodney, watch out!' before landing right on top of McKay. Of course, in that time, all McKay managed to do was to turn around, so they ended up face-to-face.

For a moment, neither man moved. Finally, Beckett rolled off of McKay, groaning. "Oww.."

McKay stood up. "You're in pain? I'm the one who just became a human cushion..."

The words were more joking than serious, and Beckett chuckled. "No offence, Rodney, but you make a bloody awful cushion."

Beckett hoisted himself to his feet, with a helping hand from McKay.

"Nice landing, guys," Sheppard commented. Beckett glared at him, knocking snow off his clothes.

"Greetings, travellers. What brings you to our small village?"

The speaker, a very old man in what Beckett figured was the Earth equivalent of a T-Shirt and shorts smiled broadly at them. "Did you come through the Portal Ring?"

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah, we did."  
Beckett stepped forward as the Major beckoned for him.

"My friend here has a problem, and we would like to ask you if you know of anyway to help him."

The man looked intently at Beckett, who fidgeted uncomfortably. "You have been attacked by a vapour, haven't you?"

Beckett started. "How did you know that?"

"You have the haunted look of one who has been tempted to cross the threshold. You must come with me, quickly."  
The man turned around and walked away, obviously intending for the team to follow. After a quick look around, Sheppard nodded, and they all moved forward.

Beckett was a little worried. Threshold? He wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. Quickening his step, Beckett caught up with the man. "Excuse me? What threshold are you talking about, exactly?"

The man looked at him, not slowing his pace. "The threshold to the world beyond, of course."

Beckett really hoped the man didn't mean what Beckett thought he meant. He was prevented from asking by their arrival at the man's destination, a large stone building.

The man walked through the open doorway, into a dimly lit hallway.  
"You must choose a companion," the man said, looking solemnly at Beckett. "Choose wisely, for it must be someone who can help you fight the vapour's temptations, someone in who you can place all of your trust."

Beckett nodded, and turned around. He didn't even hesitate. As much as he was fond of everyone on this team, there was only one person he would trust his life to right now.

"Rodney."  
"Huh?" McKay looked surprised, and for a moment, Beckett was afraid he would refuse. Then, McKay's face set into pure determination, and he stepped forward.

The man nodded. "Very well. Only the pair of you may enter into the room beyond. There, you must pass the test that will befall you. If you pass, the vapour will lose it's power, and will be shed of easily. If you fail..."

"If he fails...?" Rodney asked, his a tinge of fear in his voice.

"If he fails, the vapour will consume him, drag him into the world beyond."  
By the way McKay's face paled, Beckett was certain he knew exactly what that meant.

"Go. You do not have much time."

Without a word, Beckett turned, and headed for the impressive wooden door at the end of the hallway. McKay fell into step beside him, also silent.

The door opened without a sound, to reveal an inky blackness that Beckett couldn't see anything in. With a swallow, and a quick glance, the two stepped through the door, into the blackness beyond. The door swung silently shut behind them.

"So, now what?" Rodney asked, after a moment of standing there.

Beckett shrugged before realising McKay couldn't see him. "No idea."  
The two men stood there for a moment in the silence. Then, just as Beckett was starting to think that someone had made a total idiot of him, the scene changed.

It was as if someone had turned on a lightbulb - to reveal a lecture auditorium.

"When the guy said we were taking a test, I didn't think he meant it literally," McKay nodded.

Beckett snorted, then looked around. "This looks like my old biology classroom," he said thoughtfully.

"Smart."  
Beckett and McKay spun around. The chestnut-haired woman sitting at the desk at the front of the classroom smiled. "Hello, Carson."  
Beckett stared. "Professor Taggert? But - but - you're dead!"

Taggert laughed. "Yes, but I'm not the actual Moira Taggert. I am a representation of her form, created to guide you through this test."

"Guide us?" McKay sounded doubtful, and Beckett didn't blame him.

"I'm to tell you what this test will consist of. In order to defeat the vapour, you must both overcome its temptations, and clarify the heart."

"I must what and what?"

Taggert smiled. "I cannot tell you any more, for fear of influencing the end."

Beckett swallowed hard, feeling that the explanation had been no help whatsoever.

"It is time. Go through the door, you will face your first test there."

Beckett nodded, and looked at McKay, who nodded back. Together, the two of them headed for the door of the classroom.

"Oh, and Carson - trust in yourself."

Carson looked back at his former teacher, then nodded, and stepped through the door.


	9. Tests of Friendship

Hoff, again. In the hospital - of course.

Beckett looked around slowly, taking in the scene around him. It was just as he remembered it - full of death and hopelessness. He sighed, knowing that whatever this test was, he wasn't going to like it.

"What do you think is going to happen?" McKay asked quietly.

Beckett jumped in surprise, having forgotten McKay was with him, then shook his head. "I wish I knew." 

"Hey, isn't that the Chancellor?"

Beckett turned in the direction McKay was pointing. Sure enough, the Chancellor was walking towards the two, a vial in his hand, and a determined expression on his face. "Doctor Beckett. It's ready."

"What's ready?" Beckett asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"The antidote. Perna has volunteered to test it." The Chancellor held out the vial, which was filled with a pale red liquid. Beckett took it, holding it up gingerly. "She is this way, Doctor Beckett."

Beckett followed the Chancellor to Perna's bed, McKay hot on his heels. "How is this a test?" Beckett muttered out of the side of his mouth.

"I'm not sure, exactly," McKay responded. "But remember, Perna's the apparition the vapour puts in front of you. Maybe that has something to do with it."

Beckett nodded, then stopped, his heart rising into his throat.

There she was, just as he remembered her, lying pale and weak on the bed.

"Pearna..."

Perna smiled at him. "Carson, you came."

Beckett nodded, kneeling beside the bed. "I'm here, I promise."

"Don't worry, Carson, the antidote will work, I know it will."

Beckett nodded, tears brimming in his eyes.

In that moment, he forgot about the test, forgot about the vapour - forgot even about McKay, standing nearby. All he knew was that Perna needed him. This was his one chance to try again, to save her.

After a moment, Beckett rose, and held out his hand for the vial, picking up a needle from the bedside table.

McKay watched Beckett, his heart filling with dread. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong, and McKay suddenly realized what it was.

"Carson, don't do it."

Intent on filling the needle with the antidote, Beckett didn't even look at McKay. "I have to, Rodney. I have a chance to save her."

"This is the vapour you're saving, Carson, not Perna. Perna's gone."

McKay took an involuntary step back as Beckett rounded on him, face filled with fury. "What do you know about it?" he spat. "You've never lost someone you loved."

McKay shook his head. "No, I'm losing someone I love." He tried to keep the fear out of his voice, hoping his calmness would calm down Beckett.

It didn't work.

"I doubt you even have the capacity to love," Carson said scathingly.

McKay blinked, tears brimming in his eyes. "You don't mean that," he stammered. "It's the vapour speaking."

"It bloody well is me."

McKay shook his head. "Listen to yourself, Carson. This isn't you. Please, just listen to me. That's not Perna."

A moment later, McKay found himself on the floor, the world spinning in front of him, his cheek burning where Beckett had hit him. He cowered as Beckett loomed over him, his face menacing. "Rodney, get the hell out of here."

"No." McKay shook his head desperately. He didn't know what to do, how to make Beckett see that this was the test.

He had a sinking feeling that maybe...maybe he was too late.

_No. One last try, c'mon Rodney, you can do it. _

McKay thought for a moment, as Beckett turned back to Perna.

"Carson, can I ask you something?" he asked quietly.

Beckett turned to McKay, snarling. "What?"

"What did Perna say to you, just before she died? Do you even remember?"

Beckett lifted his hand, and McKay threw his up in defence. "Please, Carson. Just try."

After a tense moment, Beckett nodded shortly, and closed his eyes. McKay watched as his expression went from angry, to sad, to resigned, to - McKay couldn't have described the last emotion on Beckett's face, only that it filled his heart with relief.

"She - she said - " Beckett stopped, swallowing hard. Suddenly, it was Perna's voice that filled the room, soft and gentle.

_"I'm at peace with what I have done, as you should be."_

_"I wish I had no part in this."_

_"You gave us hope."_

McKay watched Beckett anxiously. "Carson?"

For a moment that seemed to stretch into eternity, Beckett remained silent, eyes clenched tight. Then...

"Thank you, Rodney." Carson put down the needle, turning to the figure in the bed. "I'm sorry, I can't change the past." He turned away, right into McKay's waiting arms.

A moment later, the hospital faded into blackness.

"Did, did I pass the test?" Carson asked, his voice more than a little shaky.

Rodney nodded, enveloping his friend in a hug. "Yeah, you did."  
They waited for a moment in the darkness, before McKay asked, "Um, Carson?"

"Yeah?"

"How do we get out of here?"

"Er..."

As if on cue, a sliver of light appeared in front of the two, growing steadily, to reveal an open doorway. Reluctantly, McKay released Beckett. "Guess we should, uh, get going, huh?"

"Yeah," Beckett turned to leave. Suddenly, without knowing the reason why, the doctor turned, staring into the blackness. He jumped as he saw the figure standing there.

_"More than words, Carson." _

Carson smiled, then turned, and followed McKay out into the bright winter's day.

Sheppard and Ford were waiting, their faces pale and drawn.

"Did it work?" Sheppard asked quietly. "Is the bug gone?"

Carson started. He had totally forgotten about his spinal intruder. Hesitantly, he raised a shaking hand to the back of his neck - then let it fall again, his face grim. "No."

McKay shook his head. "Now what?" he asked. "We may have defeated the emotional pull of the vapour, but we still need to get the damn thing out. There has to be a way!"  
Beckett stared at McKay for a moment. Never in his entire time at Atlantis had he heard McKay speak so forcefully. "Don't worry, Rodney, we'll find a way."

"There must a clue on that box, somewhere..." McKay said thoughtfully after a moment. "I'll have another look at it once we return to Atlantis, see if there wasn't something I missed."

Suddenly, everyone jumped, as Beckett slapped his hand to his forehead. "Of course!"

"Of course what?" McKay asked.

Then he stared, as Beckett unzipped his jacket, throwing it on to the snow. It was quickly joined by his gloves, scarf, hat and shirt.

"Carson, what are you doing?" McKay asked slowly, giving Beckett a look that clearly suggested he thought the good doctor was out of his mind. Ford and Sheppard echoed the expression.

Carson laughed. "Don't worry, I'm perfectly sane," he assured them. When their expressions didn't change, he hastened to clarify.

"When I opened the box, the temperature in the quarantine unit dropped to below freezing. I'm guessing cold temperatures render the vapour dormant, which would cause it to revert to it's original form."

Understanding dawned in McKay's eyes. Sheppard and Ford still looked skeptical, but Beckett had anticipated that. He raced for the nearest snowbank, spun around - and jumped back into the bank, letting the full force of the snow hit his neck.

A moment later, the world exploded in pain. Carson let out a scream, then found himself enveloped in darkness for the second time that day.

* * *

"I think he's coming around."

"Wow, you figure that one all by yourself?"

Carson opened his eyes slowly, then slammed them back shut. The first thing he realized was that his head felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to it. On second thought, make that ten jackhammers. The second thing was that he was back in Atlantis, in the infirmary to be exact.

"Doctor Beckett is going to need rest."

"Doctor _Beckett _is going to need information, and I don't trust you."

Beckett groaned. "Rodney," he croaked. "I only have three other qualified doctors in this bloody city. Please don't scare them all away."

He was rewarded with a snort, presumably from Dr. Leonard. "Trust me, Doctor. I'm anything but scared."  
Beckett chuckled, then tried opening his eyes a second time. Finding the pain a little more bearable, he left them open, turning to McKay. "I think you've met your match."

McKay eyed Dr. Leonard skeptically. "I doubt that very much, thank you." Then he turned back to Beckett, absentmindly stroking his bruised cheek. "How're you feeling?"

"That depends. Do I still have a bloody beetle embedded in my neck?"

"Nope. Your plan worked." McKay continued to stroke his cheek, then flinched and let his hand fall. "Ouch. You hit hard."

"I'm sorry, Rodney, I really am." Beckett did feel sorry, he really did - but he was having trouble keeping a straight face. The look on McKay's face reminded him way too much of a pouting child, and Beckett was having a hard time resisting the urge to ask McKay if he wanted it kissed better.

"You look it." McKay glowered for a moment, then gave up. "Anyway, we left the bug on the planet. The locals assured us they would take care of it."  
Beckett nodded. "Good. I really wouldn't want that thing back on Atlantis."

McKay chuckled, then stood up to leave.

"Rodney..."

McKay paused, looking at Beckett curiously. "What?"

"Thank you."

McKay shrugged. "Hey, what are friends for? Only, next time - don't punch me," he added, headed for the door.

Beckett grinned wickedly behind the physicist's back, giving in finally to tempation.

"Aww...poor thing. Want me to kiss it better?"

He was rewarded by McKay's face growing a vibrant shade of red. "That's very funny," he replied sarcastically.

Beckett just laughed.


	10. Epilogue

Carson leaned against the railing, resting his head on his arms, and staring out at the churning waves.

So much had happened over the past week. The bug, getting over Perna's death, and ...

...Rodney.

Carson finally let the voice in his head win. He had definite feelings about McKay, and most of them went well beyond the bounds of friendship. He could still feel the brush of Rodney's lips against his forehead, the warmth of his arms. Sighing, Carson shook his head - not in denial, but confusion. All the men and women in Atlantis, and Carson had fallen in love with Rodney McKay. He wasn't sure why that should surprise him that much - after all, aside from bickering with each other, the two were well known as the best of friends.

Which was, Carson realized, the problem.

Carson sighed, pulling his jacket closer against the cool evening breeze. He wasn't sure how to face Rodney now, whether he should tell his friend about these new feelings - or keep them a closely held secret.

Engrossed in his thoughts, Carson didn't hear the balcony door slide open.

"Coffee?"

Carson jumped, then eyed Rodney warily. "Isn't this how we got in trouble the first time around?"

"No, we got in trouble because the Ancients keep horrible records about what they keep in their damn boxes," Rodney replied.

Carson couldn't argue with that logic. He took the coffee.

For a while, the two sipped their drinks in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. It was Carson who finally broke the silence.

"Rodney? Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

Carson cleared his throat nervously. "During the test, you - ah - you said something about losing someone you love. Who were you talking about?"

Rodney was silent. Thinking that maybe he hadn't been heard, Carson opened his mouth to ask again.

"You."

The word was so soft, barely above a whisper, that Carson almost missed it. When he finally realized what Rodney had said, his heart skipped a beat. "Me?" he finally croaked. "You meant, as a friend, right?"

Rodney shook his head. "I - um - well, the thing is - "

Suddenly, to Carson's eternal surprise, Rodney leaned in, took Carson's chin in his hand, and planted his lips firmly on Carson's.

All too quickly, he pulled back, looking upset. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

His apology remained unfinished, as Carson stepped forward. "Don't," he said firmly, before brushing his lips across Rodney's. Their kiss deepened, grew more passionate, until Rodney blushed from his toes to his hairline. Finally, reluctantly, Carson pulled away. "Don't," he repeated.  
"Don't?"

Carson stepped back, looking at his friend critically. "Don't tell me you shouldn't have done that, and don't apologize, otherwise you're going to ruin a perfectly good kiss."

Rodney swallowed. "Something tells me we need to talk."

"Aye, about a few things..." Carson smiled. "Starting with us."

FIN


End file.
